In October 2001, I made a comment to a good friend that if I had truely believed in, I would saved myself and another person a lot of heartache. The comment was that "I believe it is God's Will for me to remain single for the next couple of years due to my busy schedule." Unfortunately whilst I felt that way at the time I was not yet convicted that this was God's Will, for I, like most men my age, wished for a girlfriend, the events that followed would lead to me making the hardest decision I had to make, certainly since I had given up alcohol, and possibly even harder than that decision. I make no excuse for the length of what follows as to understand what happened, all the facts must be told.

In December, I went to Uxbridge's carol singing for the 2nd year running, this year with Jeff and Jonas. There we enjoyed the carol singing and the time of fellowship afterwards. One young lady, Suzie, seemed to stand out. It was suggested that myself and Jeff should come up for the New Year's Day conference. We didn't have any other conference locally to go to and it seemed a sensible idea.

In the two weeks between the carol singing and New Year's Day, I prayed a few times about Suzie, but was not yet sure what to make of our growing friendship. So New Year's Day came, myself and Jeff travelled up and enjoyed a lovely conference with the Word of God ministered well by the two brethren. As there were other people I knew there who I wanted to talk to and I felt a little uneasy I didn't spend that much time talking to Suzie during tea, but by the end of the time of fellowship after the meeting we had swapped mobile numbers. After a few brief txt messages that evening there was then silence for four days.

Why this silence? Well I suppose I wanted to see how interested in me Suzie was and so wanted her to txt me first, I guess on her part she was probably waiting for me to txt her. Well Saturday evening came and I got impatient and txt her. I received a response and then I replied and heard nothing for a while and so decided to phone her. We had a lovely Spiritual conversation on what the Lord had done for us by dying for us, individually, at the cross. We seemed to be on the same wavelength.

She mentioned how that she used to learn verses with a friend but he had married and moved slightly out of the area. For the past 18 months I had been convicted of the need to learn God's Word, I would start learning a verse a day and after some success would then let this practice slip away, then I would restart only to fall away after a few weeks and so on. Well with this in mind and the fact that I wanted an excuse to talk to this young lady who had intrigued me, I made the simple suggestion that we set each other a verse each day and every other day we would test each other on the phone.

And so it began, we would gradually talk longer on the phone, at one point we spoke each day for a week, for over an hour at a time, but this became infeasible due to our busy schedules and was cut back to every other day on the advice of a good friend. We got to know each other better, our verse learning was going well and every thing seemed to be going well, but was it God's Will? Well we were both praying for guidance but did we want to hear God's answer if it was negative? It is easy to ask God for guidance, the difficult part is submitting to it, especially when it requires one to walk by faith and not by sight.

In Southampton we are blessed with a number of Saturday night meetings within reach. The first Saturday we can get to one of two meetings in about 35 minutes. The second Saturday there is one in Southampton. The third Saturday again we only have to travel about 25 minutes. However, the fourth Saturday presents a problem as it means travelling for at least 45 minutes if not an hour. Not that this should stop us considering other people would love to be that close to 4 regular Saturday night meetings, but sadly it is too easy an excuse to use at times. However, myself and Jeff had found out about a 4th Saturday of the month meeting where our friends from Uxbridge went to and so considered making the trip up there to it.

On Thursday, 24th January I was with good friends after a meeting and had a very bad feeling about the whole situation betweeen Suzie and myself but there was no tangible reason I could come up with for this. Suzie is a lovely young Spiritual lady and I couldn't see why God wouldn't want us to be together (I will come back to this point at the end). God was trying to tell me that it wasn't His Will but I didn't want to believe it. I hadn't been home since the turn of the year and so decided that I would go to my parents on the Friday night then travel down to pick up Suzie on the way to the meeting at Hamworth and then go back to my parents and travel down to Southampton on the Sunday.

Well that Friday night there was a violent storm and having had my usual Friday night Bible study I cancelled my planned trip home. Looking back one could say that storm was there to try and prevent me trying to get to London to see Suzie. I txt Suzie to tell her I was unlikely to be coming up to see her and she was obviously disappointed. Sadly at times I can be very stubborn especially where girls are concerned. I phoned Jeff to discuss travelling upto London. For various reasons Jeff could not make the journey but suggested that the following morning we should meet up for a time of prayer before I went. So we met up, went off to Tesco's to have lunch at their restaurant. Then we went back to Jeff's house and after prayer, the weather dried up, and so God in His grace allowed me to travel up.

However, during the Friday night and Saturday myself and Suzie had got our wires crossed. I failed to make clear my reasons for coming and she misunderstood them, this can sadly be the problem with txt messages especially when you are talking about two different things they can seem to blend into the same conversation. So I went up waited for an hour, stubbornly refusing to go until she met me, and she was equally stubborn that she wouldn't meet me. By this time she had gone off to a friend's for dinner and I sensed it was time for me to go home and work out what to do next.

Well there was only one place for me to go and that was to Nigel and Eunice's. The Lord has used them mightly to help me, guide me and support me even when I've been going against their advice as I had that day. They were pleased to see me back in Southampton safely, as again the weather had turned nasty. It is only by God's grace that I got home safely that night, for surely I didn't deserve any favours from Him after disobeying Him, and yet he kept me safe as the storm raged. The following morning myself and Suzie sorted out the misunderstanding and were left wondering what to do next.

Eunice made the sensible suggestion that we stopped all contact for a few days and sought God's Will on the matter. I passed this suggestion on to Suzie and contact was ceased. At this time a young sister, in the Lord, who was a good friend of mine was also seeking God's Will about someone she had met. The Lord had blessed me with the support and advice of various people. Nigel and Eunice had built up a lot of experience over the years and by this time (and I thank God still are) my Spiritual parents. Jeff and Jonas could give advice and support from a fellow young man's perspective. And now this friend could provide a sister's insight when going through the same situation of seeking God's Will about a life-partner, for is not this the end product in sight of every relationship that is started, it should never be about having a girlfriend or a boyfriend but about seeking out the young lady or young man, God has planned for each one of us.

I received encouraging e-mails from my friend and attempted to give her what help and comfort I could as she went through her own situation. The Wednesday night came and I still didn't feel I had an answer from God. Was He telling me no but I didn't want to open my ears to it? Looking back this was probably the case but at that time I didn't want to consider that option. Suzie had no direct answer either and when we spoke on the phone it was on various matters but not about us getting together, as Suzie, I believe, didn't want to talk about that as she was still unsure herself.

When it comes to girls I've always been insecure. I can have the clearest indication they like me (as Suzie gave me) and yet still doubt it. My mind at this time focused on whether or not Suzie felt the same way about me or not, when the actual question at that time was whether it was God's Will or not. On Sunday 10th February I discovered a verse in the Bible (obviously it had been there all the time but it sprang to my attention suddenly) that verse is the title for this part:
To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the Heaven: (Ecc 3v1)

On this Sunday, during conversation with Suzie this seemed to be a prominent verse and I felt the Lord was trying to tell me that we would have to wait a couple of months to get it together properly, as we both had things on our mind that needed sorting out, and so we agreed that it was probably the case we should not meet up till Uxbridge's Bible reading on the 14th April. It can be easy at times to read into things what we want to read into them and not what God means by them.

Well with Valentines Day approaching what could I do but arrange for a single Red Rose to be delivered to her with this verse as the clue. She was of course delighted to receive this but sadly on the same day fell ill with a stomach bug and so we couldn't talk much over the next couple of days. Also by this time our verse learning had grown slack as we had allowed our busy schuedules to interfere with it, however, she had learned this verse by the Tuesday (12th).

On the Saturday night (16th) my spirit was troubled greatly and I sought God in prayer for guidance. I've always enjoyed reading the story of Gideon and his fleece (Judges 6) and when Nigel, not realising this, suggested I tried it, I agreed. Just as Gideon asked for 3 signs (the present which was accepted by God, the wet fleece/dry ground and then the dry fleece/wet ground) I asked the Lord for the following 3 signs to show me once and for all what was God's Will
A) I would receive a verse from her on the Sunday morning without me sending one verse.
B) The Holy Spirit would move me to get up that Sunday morning to pray audibly (it is not surprising that as I was far from God's Will that I hadn't prayed audibly for some weeks).
C) That I would have an emotional response from her. (for that evening I had taken Nigel's advice of switching my mobiles off and giving them to him, as otherwise I would spend the night txting Suzie, or check it every 5 minutes to she if she had responded to my txt either way not get the much needed rest I required).

God in His mercy gave me much needed peaceful sleep that night. The following morning came and I left my mobile with Nigel but didn't tell him the specifics of what I has asked God for. Well that morning meeting I didn't get up, various thoughts came to my head but the Spirit didn't lead me to get up, and thankfully I didn't try and get up and pray in my own strength, as one can sadly be tempted to do when one hasn't got up for a while, and feels that it might be expected of him, even when it isn't. That evening I got my mobile back and checked it for messages there were 4 from Suzie, they got more emotional as she wondered why I didn't respond but there was no verse. So A) and B) had failed but C) had succeeded. So was God giving me contradicting answers???

Of course not, God never contradicts Himself. He gave me exactly what I needed to know. A) and B) showed me it wasn't God's Will for us to be together, but C) left me with no shadow of doubt of how she felt about me (just incase I needed final confirmation) so I had all I needed to know, and then came the difficult part telling Suzie! This was complicated as that Sunday evening she lost her mobile phone but of course had no way to tell me this or to know that I was trying to contact her.

The following day she was still angry with me for not responding to her txt's Sunday morning. I wanted to tell her at least down the phone what had happened and not simply by txt so didn't say too much in my txt's just that we needed to speak. Well through out that Monday lunch time I tried to get her to answer her phone but she refused. After work a close friend of hers explained to me that she was worried she would say something hurtful to me, and she didn't want to do this. So I explained things by txt message (I didn't like doing it this way but it was the only avenue open to me as a letter would take too long to get to her, patience not being my strong point here).

Well we were left wondering what to do with our friendship and my mind still hadn't worked out what the verse meant (Ecc 3v1). I again allowed doubt to creep into my mind over what was God's Will and considered the possibility that while God was telling me it wasn't His Will now it might be at a later date. Well on the Tuesday we discussed meeting up as friends as we hadn't seen each other since New Year's Day. However, one verse stuck out by a mile
Watch ye and pray, lest ye enter into temptation. The spirit truly is ready, but the flesh is weak. (Mark 14v38, also: Matt 26v41)

While Spiritually we were ready to follow God's Will we had to recognise that feelings don't just disappear. What would happen if we met up again, well the temptation to get it together would only increase, but we decided we would stay in communcation via txt messaging.

I went home to my parents that weekend still not feeling 100% about the situation. A couple more days passed and on the Wednesday I came home from work and in the quietness of my bedroom came before the Lord. I said a short prayer asking for guidance and attempted some Bible study but I couldn't concentrate my mind was deeply troubled and I came before the Lord and prayed. I started praying to the Lord for guidance about myself and Suzie and ended praying for God's help to end things with Suzie once and for all. Well God certainly answered my original prayer by directing me to pray my ending prayer. I then had to do the hardest thing I had done for at least 21 months

I immediately tried to talk to Suzie on the phone but she insisted on me waiting till later as she was talking to her mum. I knew in myself that if I left it till later that my resolve would weaken. As before I didn't want to txt her what God had told me, but what else could I do, it was the only way to make things end there and then. I sent six txt messages explaing the situation and also saying that we would need to cease all communication for a time to let things call of to make sure we didn't repeat the last 10 days.

She did exactly what I asked her to and didn't respond. I had no idea of how she had taken it, but God gave me "the peace of God which passeth all understanding" (Phil 4v7) that kept me from going insane at times I would spend time wondering she was but God never allowed me to linger on these thoughts, now that I had done His Will, He in His faithfulness gave me peace.

I hadn't wanted to realise but throughout this 2 month period there was a noticeable change in my charactor. As I was far from God's Will, I became more short tempered and was not the same perosn as I had through God's grace become. Whenever we drift away from God, our old self will take over the void we have left open. Those of my friends who were there to support me through this trying time I owe a great deal of thanks to, and pray that in there times of trying I may offer them some of the support they gave me. God puts us in touch with people for many different reasons, the main one being for our mutual Spiritual growth and His eternal glory.

10 days later, Suzie got in touch with me, apologising for not txting sooner, as she hadn't been able to top up her phone. She sent me birthday greetings on the 20th March, but we agreed it was too soon for us to start proper communication. We recently discussed her coming down for Crawley conference but felt it was too soon, but are starting to renew communication via letters. I would ask that you pray for both of us, that our friendship may be for the blessing of each other but remain just a friendship as God Wills.

I will now answer the question that was bugging me through out late February and early March, just why was Ecclesiastes 3v1 so prominent in my mind. The answer came to me in early March but it took a month to sink in. Quite simply while it may well be a purpose under the Heaven for me to find the young lady God has in mind for me, to go out with her and then marry her, now is not the time for me to be worrying about it. The Lord has many things for me to do, and I can honestly say that if I had a girl friend I would not be able to do half the things I do now for the Lord. For one thing, I would not have the time required for this website. There was nothing wrong with Suzie, as I mentioned before she is a lovely young spiritual lady, who I still care a lot for and remember in prayer. But just because a young believer is saved, baptized and in fellowship, even seems to be on the same Spiritual wavelength as you, doesn't mean it is God's Will for you two to be together. It may just be you are meant to be good friends, to be brother and sister in Christ together helping each other through this life's difficult passage, maybe just for a short time, maybe until the Lord returns, or calls one of you home.

A ministering brother recently made this comment from the platform:
"There is one wrong thing worse than wishing you had a boyfriend or a girlfriend and that is wishing you didn't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend because you had realised it wasn't God's Will"
In some people's eyes maybe myself and Suzie were boyfriend and girlfriend, maybe we weren't, that fact is irrelavent, I can tell you now I never want to tell another young lady what I had to tell Suzie that Monday afternoon and that Wednesday evening, and I pray none of you do. But if you find yourself in that situation, seek out the good brothers and sisters in Christ, which He has placed you, in communication with, that they may help you, support you and above all pray for you both as you seek to do God's Will.

And so I conclude as I started: To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: (Ecclesiastes 3v1-8)